Compassion
Compassion includes the ability (1) to be attentive to the experience of others, (2) to wish the best for others, and (3) to sense what will truly serve others.
Developing compassion allows us to help others in more effective ways. And, compassion helps us as well. Recent research studies suggest that compassion plays a significant role in reducing physiological stress and promoting physical and emotional wellbeing. …
G.R.A.C.E. is an easy-to-remember mnemonic – which is important when in the midst of a stressful situation. Recalling the elements of G.R.A.C.E. allows us to slow down, and be more mindful and aware in the process of interacting with another so that compassion can arise.
G.R.A.C.E. will also help us cultivate more compassion in our own life.
(1) Gather and ground attention.
Find some neutral object to bring you back to embodiment: feet on the floor, body in the chair, breath in the body, air on the skin, etc. Experiment to see which is your most reliable grounding object, but make sure it has to do with the embodied experience in the present moment. Make this as tactile as you can – to get out of the fog and swirl in the head and down into the body.
(2) Recall intention.
Since G.R.A.C.E. was initially designed for compassionate care, an example of deepest intention might be “to serve, and relieve suffering”. So, in the context of this website with its theme of preparing for dying, we could say that our deepest intention is to feel our grief and relieve the suffering of this grief.
(3) Attune to self/other.
To begin with, attune to your entire field of being. How is the body? What thoughts are racing through the mind? What emotions are coming up? Where are these emotions being experienced in the body and how? Can you re-gather and re-ground yourself in the midst of this and just observe until a relative state of calm returns? Just becoming aware that we have three basic ‘fields’ or ‘streams’ of experience can become a helpful tool. We are most usually stuck in our thoughts and disconnected from our emotions and the body. This is a real disadvantage when it comes to grief.
(4) Consider what will best serve.
Consider what will best serve you right now? Some questions that may be asked: (1) Do you need to stay with your grounded attention and intention to ride out a storm of emotion? (2) Do you need to go for a walk? (3) Do you need to attend to the grief pain around your heart and give yourself permission to weep? (4) Do you need to write a letter to the dead person, or to the hospital staff you are angry with, or grateful for? We need radical honesty with ourselves at this point. We are conditioned to respond to all pain, including the pain of grief, by pulling back and denying. If denial and refusal to feel become the sole coping strategies, our grief can be prolonged indefinitely.
(5) Engage in what needs to be done.
What needs to be done will eventually be evident from your grounded and attuned consideration. Do whatever the moment calls for. It might be appropriate to dive deeper into your grief, or this may be a time that you legitimately need a break. Feeling your grief will not kill you, but not feeling your grief is guaranteed to make you ill in some form if it is denied for too long. Your choice of engagement might be a ritual of some kind: lighting a candle in front of a picture while holding an object reminding you of the dead person. The needs of the moment might simply ask you to stay with embodied grounding and observe the thoughts, emotions and sensations sweeping through the body. And when the timing feels right to stop and get on with other things, the importance of ritual is affirmed through Ending this particular piece of grief work.
(Based on Brad Hunter, “G.R.A.C.E. for Grief: A Tool for Grief Work and Remedy for Overwhelm”)
One can use the following detailed description of each element as a script for one’s own G.R.A.C.E. practice:
(1) Gather and ground attention.
Pause, breathe in, give yourself time to get grounded. Invite yourself to be present and embodied, by sensing into a place of stability in your body. You can focus your attention on the breath, for example, or on a neutral part of the body, like the soles of your feet or your hands as they rest on each other. You can also bring your attention to a phrase or an object. You can use this moment of gathering your attention to interrupt your assumptions and expectations and to allow yourself to relax and be present.
(2) Recall intention.
Remember what your life is really about: that is, to act with integrity and to respect the integrity in all those whom you encounter; remember that your intention is to help others and serve others and to open your heart to the world. This “touch-in” can happen in a moment. Your motivation keeps you on track, morally grounded, and connected to your highest values.
(3) Attune to self/other.
First notice what’s going on in your own mind and body. Then sense into the experience of whom you are with; sense into what the other person is saying, especially emotional cues: voice tone, body language. Sense without judgment. This is an active process of inquiry, first involving yourself, then the other person. Open a space in which the encounter can unfold, in which you are present for whatever may arise, in yourself and in the other person. How you notice the other person, how you acknowledge the other person, how the other person notices you and acknowledges you, all constitute a kind of mutual exchange. The richer you make this mutual exchange, the more there is the capacity for unfolding.
(4) Consider what will best serve.
As the encounter with the other person unfolds, notice what the other person might be offering in this moment. What are you sensing, seeing, learning? Ask yourself: What will really serve here? Draw on your expertise, knowledge, and experience, and at the same time, be open to seeing things in a fresh way. This is a diagnostic step, and as well, the insights you have may fall outside of a predictable category. Don’t jump to conclusions too quickly.
(5) Engage in what needs to be done.
Part 1: Engage and enact. Compassionate action emerges from the sense of openness, connectedness, and discernment you have created. This action might be a recommendation, an open question about values, or a proposal for how to spend the remaining time with this person. You co-create with the other person a dynamic, morally grounded situation, characterized by mutuality, trust, and consistent with your values and ethics; you draw on your expertise, intuition, and insight, and you look for common ground consistent with your values and supportive of mutual integrity. What emerges is principled compassion: mutual, respectful of all persons involved, and as well practical and actionable. These aspirations may not always be realized; there may be deeply rooted conflicts in goals and values that must be addressed from this place of stability and discernment.
Part 2: End the interaction. Mark the end of the interaction with this person; release, let go, breathe out. Explicitly recognize internally when the encounter is over, so that you can move cleanly to the next interaction or task; this recognition can be marked by attention to your out-breath. While the next step might be more than you expected would be possible or disappointingly small, notice that, acknowledge what transpired. Without acknowledgement of what unfolded, it will be difficult to let go of this encounter and move on.
We live in a time when science is validating what humans have known throughout the ages: that compassion is not a luxury; it is a necessity for our well-being, resilience, and survival. My hope is that the G.R.A.C.E. model will help you to actualize compassion in your own life and that the impact of this will ripple out to benefit the people with whom you interact each day as well as countless others.
(Based on Roshi Joan Halifax, “Practicing G.R.A.C.E.: How to Bring Compassion into Your Interactions With Others”)
Sources: Compiled by Alexander Peck based on the following two sources.
https://journeythroughloss.ca/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/GRACE-Grief.pdf
G.R.A.C.E. is an easy-to-remember mnemonic – which is important when in the midst of a stressful situation. Recalling the elements of G.R.A.C.E. allows us to slow down, and be more mindful and aware in the process of interacting with another so that compassion can arise.
G.R.A.C.E. will also help us cultivate more compassion in our own life.
1. Gather and ground attention
2. Recall intention
3. Attune to self/other
4. Consider what will best serve.
5. Engage in what needs to be done
(Based on work by Brad Hunter and Roshi Joan Halifax)