End-of-Life Reflections: Realizations

As one reflects on life’s journey in the latter years, understanding and insights may surface in deeper and vivid new ways — and be more cherished than ever before. Such realizations help to profoundly connect and reconcile us with life itself.

The selected reflections below may now be deeper realizations for some, compared with having the same knowledge when younger.

As an aside, Shivananda Saraswati, who lived in India, somewhere near the Himalayas, and was a teacher of Vedanta (a Hindu discipline) once said that some of his deepest spiritual realizations had come after the age of seventy. (Larry Rosenberg, Living in the Light of Death: On the Art of Being Truly Alive)

1. Accept the Transience of Life

We make every effort to keep things as they are, because human beings, alone, lament transience. Yet no matter how we grieve or protest, there is no way to impede the flow of anything. If we but see things as they are and flow with them, we may find enjoyment in transience. …

Water that has once flowed along a riverbed can never retrace its course. Human life is no different. It is only our mundane eyes and minds that see yesterday as being the same as today – enlightened eyes and minds should recognize that each moment has a form different from that of any other moment. (Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

That many things all appear to be unchanging is but illusion. [Being with change is a place of practice.]

2. Become a Truly Beautiful Person

All we have thought or said and all we have done since birth have molded our faces, bodies, and personalities. With a single glance, a clear-eyed person can perceive our entire history. …

The modern Japanese poet and calligrapher Yaichi Aizu (1881-1956) once wrote to an acquaintance, ‘My friend, by being circumspect in everything I think and do, by having a heart at peace, I hope to become a beautiful person.’ I feel that I, too, would like to age in that way. …

People walk about totally unaware that their faces and bodies reveal everything about the way they have lived. Such nakedness can be embarrassing, even frightening. (Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

[Awareness of impact is a place of practice.]

3. See Paradise Now

I pause in my gardening to look at a small bird overhead whose cry has broken the silence. A refreshing wind sweeping down from the Japanese Alps dries the sweat on my brow. Joy in life, joy in work wells up in me.

‘The wind is cold today, isn’t it?’ comments an elderly woman passing by.

‘Whose house cannot give a welcome to the bright moon, the refreshing breeze?’ asks the Blue Cliff Records (in Japanese, Hekigan-roku). The bright moon shines into every house; every house lies in the path of the refreshing breeze. Does one feel the breeze as refreshing or as a heartlessly cold wind? The difference lies not in the wind but in the person perceiving it. Someone once told me that such a breeze is called a ‘heavenly wind’. (Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

That which we call paradise or happiness or the Dharma or enlightenment cannot be sought outside us. It will be found only when we notice that we are innately endowed with it. [Experiencing lacking nothing is a place of practice.]

4. Maintain Self-Awareness

“Human beings who are truly self-aware remain calm and unruffled no matter what happens. When people rush around busily, complaining and making excuses, they prove their lack of wisdom.” (Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

[Resting in self-awareness is a place of practice.]

5. Take a Broader View

A prosperous man who had called on Zen Master Fugai in his dilapidated temple in Osaka was complaining of his problems. Just then a horsefly flew into the room. It began diving at the window again and again. Fugai watched the horsefly intently, apparently not listening to his visitor.

The impatient man of wealth said with heavy irony, ‘You seem to be very fond of horseflies.’ To this, Fugai replied, ‘I’m sorry. It’s just that all this is a great pity for the poor horsefly. This temple is known for its state of disrepair. Despite the fact that it is free to fly out through a hole almost anywhere, this horsefly keeps flinging itself against a single spot, convinced that that’s the only possible exit. If it keeps this up, it will die. But it is not only the horsefly that is to be pitied.’ (Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

In looking back on life, an insight emerged — how easy it can be to get caught up in thinking only one way is the way. The above excerpt from the book, Zen Seeds, helps illustrate this. [Broadening out possibilities is a place of practice.]

6. Love and Give Unconditionally

I once presented an acquaintance with a souvenir I had chosen with care during a trip, expecting her to be delighted with it. She surprised me by saying, “I don’t actually want this myself, but I’ll take it because it will make a nice gift for someone.” I blurted out, “If I’d known you would want to give it away, I wouldn’t have given it to you in the first place.”

In that instant, I realized my error. I saw how dreadful it is to mentally hold on to something I have already given away. I was unable to give unconditionally, saying, “You are free to throw it out or give it away. It is enough that you have accepted it.” (Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

[Loving without the idea of gain is a place of practice.]

7. Embrace the Humility of Not Knowing

One day a woman came to Zen Master Bankei to complain about her daughter-in-law. “Hmmm. Is that so? You don’t say,” responded Bankei, absorbing the woman’s complaints as a blotter does ink. When she had finished, he said just this: “Long ago you yourself were a daughter-in-law. Weren’t you once like your daughter-in-law? Don’t think of her as someone apart from you. Hers is the path you once walked. Her life is an extension of yours into the past.” Since Bankei had listened to all her complaints and her spirits were restored, these words satisfied the woman. … When we realize that we all share a single life—as brothers, sisters, parents, children—we can put ourselves in the position of any other person we know. (Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

How can we practice not complaining today about others? [Humility of not knowing is a place of practice.]

8. Love the World

Reflecting on how I live my own life as a student of the Buddha’s teachings, I realize that I cannot measure up to these examples no matter how hard I try. All I can see is my own self-centeredness. Yet had I not been exposed to the teachings of the Buddha, I probably wouldn’t have been able to see even that much. (Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

How can we explore our self-centeredness today? How can we extend beyond what we are preoccupied with? [Loving the world is a place of practice.]

9. Welcome Everything that Comes as a Teacher

If our ordinary, self-centered viewpoint is dominant, rocks and tree roots are undesirable. But if we change our point of view, then the very fact that there are rocks and tree roots makes the valley stream more beautiful and the sight of waves breaking upon them beyond description.

When we perceive joy, anger, happiness, and sorrow as enriching our lives, just as rocks and tree roots and water spray embellish nature, then we are able to accept whatever happens and live like flowing water, without clinging to anything. (Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

How can we welcome everything that comes as a teacher? [Welcoming is a place of practice.]

10. Accept our Present Circumstances

Happiness that depends on what you acquire or become is only conditional happiness, not true happiness. No matter what happens, it is all right. If you become ill, then just be ill; if you are poor, then just be poor. Unless you accept your present circumstances, happiness cannot be attained. To face any situation and accept it with open arms if it cannot be avoided molds the attitude enabling you to see that such a wonderful way of living is possible. This is indeed something of consequence. As soon as this attitude is achieved, you have reached paradise—anytime, anywhere, and in any circumstances. (Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

How do we practice unconditional happiness? [Being in the unknown is a place of practice.]

11. Receive Reality as It Is

Whether we are aware of it or not, whether we be sinners or saints, we are all living in the palm of the Buddha’s hand. Whether the Buddha is denied or praised, the Buddha watches over us all, embracing us unconditionally. …

No evil can drive one from the palm of the Buddha. This is what Shinran, founder of the True Pure Land sect, said: “There is no evil that can obstruct the working of the original vow of Amida Buddha [to save all sentient beings].” We think that if we do something bad, we will be punished for it; or we think that benefits depend on the amount of our offerings. Such miserly calculations by human beings are, needless to say, not indicative of the true Buddha. …

By the venerable strength of the Buddha, we live or die, go or stay, sit or lie down, all the while experiencing joys and sorrows. Unaware of that truth, we separate the self from the great life-force of the universe and place it in the center. Then, thinking and acting according to personal gain and loss, or likes and dislikes, we become like poisonous snakes. When instead we are aware of the gift of life from the Buddha and the frame around the self is removed, we become beneficial. …

In Treasury of the True Dharma Eye (in Japanese, Shobo-genzo), Zen Master Dogen says, “To study the Way is to study the self. To study the self is to forget the self. To forget the self is to be enlightened by all things. To be enlightened by all things is to remove the barriers between oneself and others.” (Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

[Receiving reality is a place of practice.]

12. Avoid Judging Others — Criticizing or Condemning

I measure other people by the standard of my own experience. If they deviate from it, I am likely to blame them for being mistaken.

It is natural that, since people lead different lives, they have many ways of seeing things. Each of them, thinking the way they see things is absolutely right, measures other people by that standard and always judges the other party to be mistaken. This is where I fall short of enlightenment, and it is also the key to understanding the mundane world. 

How I feel, see things, and think at the present moment depends on my present health, my emotional ups and downs, and the limited experiences and knowledge accumulated in my past life. That is a tentative interpretation or judgment, but never an absolute one. If I am aware of this basic element of human nature in the ordinary person or in the sick person within myself, no troubles or discord will take place in my life or in the world around me. (Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest) 

How can we appreciate our eccentricity and the eccentricity of those around us? [Not judging by any standards is a place of practice.]

13. Welcome the Shadows and Light into our Life

As long as human beings continue to be human beings, we will be unable to escape from our mundane way of looking at things. If we believe our personal way of seeing things is absolutely right, and if we persist in this, allowing ourselves to be totally carried away by our own viewpoint, then a vast distance will separate us from the Pure Land, or Other Shore, and we will remain in a world of suffering on This Shore.

“Dark is the shadow of the pine made by the moonlight,” writes the poet. Because of the great light of the Buddha, we are able to wake up to the darkness of our own shadows. Encompassed by that light, we are able to live with our shadows. Is this not what could be called the meditative life? (Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

How can we welcome the shadows and light into our life? [Not separating is a place of practice.]

14. Welcome the Rough and Jagged in Life

Murata Juko (1422–1502), known as the founder of the tea ceremony, once said, “A moon without clouds is disappointing.” Living one hundred fifty years earlier than Juko was Yoshida Kenko (1284-1350), author of Essays in Idleness(in Japanese, Tsurezuregusa), in which he wrote, “I was impressed to hear the abbot Koyu say, ‘Trying to have everything in perfect order is the way of inferior persons. It is better to have some disorder. When everything is carefully regulated, it’s boring.’” He also wrote, “Are cherry blossoms to be seen only in full bloom? Is the moon to be seen only without clouds?”

In Japan, when we talk about cherry-blossom viewing, cherry blossoms must be in full bloom; if we talk about moon-viewing, it is understood that the moon has to be full. But it is possible to enjoy buds before they open, or to enjoy the scene of the petals floating to the ground in the wind or, even more so, to savor the bare trees in winter, bereft of leaves. Rather than a bright moon in a cloudless, clear night sky, what about a moon adorned with clouds? How about the enjoyment of a crescent moon rather than a full moon, or anticipation of a moon not yet risen, or the charming thought of a moon that has just set? All things are in a state of constant flux. Our attitude toward viewing cherry blossoms or the moon reflects the enjoyment and savoring of all the vicissitudes of life just as they are. (Based on excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

How can we allow imperfection to bring life into life? [Welcoming the rough and jagged is a place of practice.]

15. Accept Unconditionally the Tapestry of Life

Some children die even though their parents gave them loving care. A parent, shouldering all the responsibilities of their family, may collapse from sudden illness at the peak of their career.

Life goes on without regard to our partial or selfish desires. Accordingly, joy and anger, sadness and happiness, love and hate, and all kinds of thoughts and emotions are woven together. If everything, including misfortune, illness, and failure, is unconditionally accepted as it is, then all experience may be constructively enjoyed.

The merciful world of the Buddha embraces all people exactly as they are. It is a world in which people who swear they will never be deluded, but who will soon fall into bewilderment, are generously embraced as they are by the Buddha. …

This brings to mind a phrase from The Book of Equanimity (in Japanese, Shoyo-roku): “A woven brocade contains all colors.”

Birth, old age, illness, and death, as well as happiness and misfortune, gain and loss, love and hate—all these are important tools for weaving the brocade of human life. A brocade cannot be woven with the single color of happiness. Given time, place, and occasion, everything “contains all colors.” It is in this way that the Pure Land, the Other Shore, is made manifest. (Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

[Understanding that “a woven brocade contains all colors” is a place of practice.]

16. Welcome What Is Hard, Challenging, and Difficult

If people do not meet with sadness or suffering, they will never seek for the true way of life. When they are driven into a tight corner where they can move neither forward nor backward, then they finally begin to reflect on themselves, harbor doubts about their lives, and ask themselves the question: What is the true way to live?

The awareness of our suffering or the awakening to our illness is the first step for us to seek truth. Shakyamuni Buddha held that our recognition of suffering is the first of the Four Noble Truths. Even if driven into a very tight corner, some people still do not turn to religion for help. Those who do so are fortunate. I wish that, guided by torment, they would break the outer shell of their little selves and discover that wider world in which they could live. (Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

[Welcoming in what is hard, challenging, and difficult — and approaching it all with openness and curiosity — is a place of practice.]

17. Realize that True Happiness Is Not Found in Satisfying all our Mundane Desires

Whether in the East or the West, all people have sought happiness; they have searched continuously for it.

So many of these people thought of happiness as money and spent their lives chasing after wealth. Many others thought happiness lay in fame or good health, or in raising children. But for most of them life ended like an unfinished dream; only a very few became aware that true happiness is not in satisfying all our mundane desires. Human desires escalate without limit. It is impossible to try to satisfy all of them.

If happiness is not attained unless human desires are completely fulfilled, then there is no place where you can find happiness. True happiness is never so imperfect and never depends on conditions. Even if you are deathly ill or suffering in extreme poverty, if you accept things just as they are—as happiness—with confidence that whatever happens is fine, and you make that attitude a part of yourself, I believe that you will have found real happiness.

Renounce trivial pleasures

And you will encounter great happiness.

The wise will aspire to great happiness,

Renouncing trivial pleasures.

(Dhammapada, verse 290)

(Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

[Meeting happiness in being intimate with how things are is a place of practice.]

18. Speak Beautiful Words — the Importance Of

Words reveal the personality of the speaker, just as facial expressions do. … Beautiful words are appropriate and full of warm consideration. They are alive, springing naturally from a beautiful soul. …

But in some cases, even a single inconsiderate word gives someone a wound that will fester for the rest of his or her life. Through language in our daily lives we hurt others and others hurt us. We speak and then regret what we have said; though regretting, we still speak.

Before speaking to people, Shakyamuni Buddha was always careful of the following three points. First of all, he considered whether his speech was true and, second, whether it would benefit the hearer. After making sure of its truth and benefit, he finally selected the most suitable time and place. In some cases, even if something is true, it may be better not to tell the person with whom you are speaking. It could cause him harm if the time or place is inappropriate. Shakyamuni Buddha was so careful that he applied these principles even to the utterance of a single word.

Beautiful words spring naturally from a considerate and beautiful life. (Based on excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

How can we practice speaking beautiful words? [Realizing that everything matters is a place of practice.]

19. Notice and Appreciate — Without Always Judging “I like” or “I don’t like”

If people would just discard their selfish criteria and look carefully at flowers and grasses, they would see that heaven and earth bless the life of every flower and blade of grass, and that these things are wonderful. So it is with human beings. Because they live, people experience gain and loss, love and hatred, joy and anger, relief and sorrow. Each of these experiences is an important tool in our irreplaceable lives. …

When it comes to things in our own lives, they can be too close to be seen in a proper perspective. We easily get caught up in situations, carried away, eventually losing our perspective. We can be easily puffed up with pride over a trifle, or become prey to melancholy. But if we see things in perspective, we can appreciate the wonderful scenery around us. (Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

How can we notice and appreciate everything around us today without judgement of “I like” and “I don’t like”? [Non-discrimination is a place of practice.]

20. Purify the Heart

Once I invited to my temple seventy people from a home for the aged in Tokyo. In our mountain temple there is only one mirror. The women lined up for it in the morning to apply their make-up. People of all ages seem to want to keep their looks. But what are cosmetics? What is beauty? Physical beauty is something one is endowed with. Makeup only creates “made-up” beauty, which fades with age or loose living. Make-up washes off. I think that the kind of physical beauty that increases as one grows older and that does not wash off is the one we consider ideal.

What is the secret of beauty? Purifying the heart. A heart is not purified in a day or two, six months, or a year. It is said that a person is responsible for his looks after the age of forty. If you are turning forty tomorrow and in a hurry to do something about your looks, it is too late. Your strivings and the way you have lived over the past forty years are revealed in your face. Throughout the past forty years an invisible chisel has been shaping your face night and day; as you were happy, angry, or sad, the chisel made its marks. The kind of marks depended on what was inside you, and they will have given you the kind of beauty or ugliness that make-up can hardly conceal.

By making the best of every day, we can grow old beautifully. (Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

[Purifying the heart is a place of practice.]

21. Live in the Present — And Age Gracefully

“The New Year has come, and I’m older. Really, Abbess, at my age I feel depressed by what’s ahead. I cannot move the way I want to, and I’m forgetful.”

An old man said that to me in the lobby of a place where I had just lectured to a group of elderly people. As I warmed my hands around a hot cup of green tea, I spoke just as though talking to myself.

“I, too, am beginning to feel the ravages of time. My back and legs aren’t good; I’m terribly forgetful. I really hate it. At any rate, even if I think about how I used to have a really good memory and wonder how it got this way, things never go back to what they were. I can’t expect to regain my good memory. But one shouldn’t talk idly. I decided to make a change. Instead of looking back, I started looking ahead. In the life that is left me, I am right now at my youngest. In an hour I’ll be an hour older. Tomorrow my body and mind will be a day older. So I decided that there’s nothing but to do my very best right now. I always think this way.” The old man said, “That’s what we’ve really wanted to know.” …

Our experiences have made us what we are, and we must live with them. All experiences are precious. We must see them as assets that enrich our lives. (Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

How do we practice with our aging? [Being with what is and changing our thinking is a place of practice.]

22. Meet Situations in Life with Open Arms

We often worry unnecessarily. For instance, we may worry about getting sick. When we are sick we worry that we will get worse. We worry that a minor illness could become a major one. We lose our appetites, which makes us grow worse and depresses those around us. This is no way to go through an illness. If we have to be ill, let us meet it head on. Let us welcome our illness with open arms. Let us live in such a way that we are grateful that our illness helps us improve our character. We should use the time of our illness to think about aspects of life that escaped us when we were healthy. Illness can be pleasant and rewarding when it is met as a challenge. … By taking this attitude, we can convert our experience of illness into an asset.

At the end of a meal with some visitors, I looked at the remaining tea in my cup and said, “For example, even in talking about a cup of tea, there is a vast difference between saying ‘only this much is left’ and ‘this much is still left.’ The first attitude is negative and gloomy, the second positive and cheerful. Just by changing our attitude a little, wouldn’t we see life quite differently?”

I read a book by the poet Setsuko Kurobe (1932-24), about a mother whose child had congenital brain damage. The child liked pictures. Perhaps all the child could do was draw pictures. But instead of talking about how little the child could do, the mother talked happily to Setsuko about how much the child could do.

Setsuko herself cannot use her right hand. A therapist told her, “You have a left hand, don’t you? Try to practice writing. You can write far better than most people.” Setsuko wrote, “I think not of what I cannot do, but of what I am able to do.” I cannot forget these words.

If we just try to change our attitude a little and look at the other side of things, what we gain replaces what we lost. A situation can be changed from an embarrassment to a cause for celebration. (Based on excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

How can we welcome what we tend to object to? [Opening our arms is a place of practice.]

23. Ask: What Am I Doing Right Now?

“What am I doing right now?” This is the most important question we can ask ourselves to determine our direction in life. 

We are not all saints, and how many of us can always be confident that right now we are doing the right thing? At times we might do inane things or lose our temper. If so, what a miserable way to live, and what a waste of irretrievable time. 

Yet some people are unaware of how they live, while growing older with each passing year. (Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

What are we doing right now? How can we engage this question in a loving way, throughout the day? [Attention is a place of practice.]

24. Make Every Moment of Life Worthwhile

We should make every moment of life worthwhile. Just eating and sleeping, living without purpose, and dying in that state make us “human-manure-producing machines,” according to Zen Master Kodo Sawaki. Even dogs and cats can lead such a life. But it is just too miserable, and it is inexcusable to waste a precious life that way. …

As for people who are physically strong and rejoice in their youth, but are self-indulgent and waste time, their body is worth no more than bleached bones lying in a field. Some people live each day as if it had the value of a hundred years. Others may live a hundred years miserably, with as little to show for it as if they had lived only a single day. Some, by discarding what is unnecessary, ennoble themselves; while others, living in degradation, abase themselves. …

Illness is good; failure is good; let wind and waves be as they are. Growing spiritually and becoming more radiant with each passing day, I would like to live every hour as if it were a day.

Shakyamuni Buddha says:

Endeavor is the eternal way.

Neglect is the way to death.

People who spur themselves on happily never die.

People wallowing in self-indulgence,

Even though they have life,

Are as if dead already.

(Dhammapada, verse 21)

(Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

How can we practice today to be fully alive? [Spurring yourself on is a place of practice.]

25. Look for a Good Teacher

Zen Master Dogen wrote in his Instructions on Learning the Way (in Japanese, Gakudo Yojin-shu): “A disciple can be compared to a good piece of wood, and a master to a carpenter. Even good wood will not show its fine grain unless worked on by a good carpenter. Even a warped piece of wood, in the hands of a good carpenter, shows the results of good craftsmanship.”

Dogen showed the importance of finding a good or a true teacher by comparing the master-disciple relationship to a carpenter and his wood. …

Good teachers know deep in their hearts the boundlessness of the Way. They also know their own pettiness and lack of compassion as compared to the height and breadth of the Way. Accordingly, good teachers do not put on airs. True teachers cannot be recognized by appearance. Only true teachers tell us things we do not like to hear. Without assuming any authority, they dress plainly and live in a simple dwelling, making the Way their teacher, the Dharma their teacher. Single-mindedly, they continue to seek and practice the Way. …

Encouraged by another of his sayings, “What we earnestly wish can be accomplished,” we have to rub the sleep from our eyes and go on looking for the good teacher, the right teacher. (Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

How do we make ourself available to enter deeply into a student-teacher relationship? [Intimacy is a place of practice.]

26. Practice Self-Restraint and Integrity, Using Self-Evaluation

If we do something good when no one is looking, we wish to be praised or recognized, and we go around telling people what we have done. If we are not appreciated or are slandered, we are disappointed and feel that what we have done is less worthwhile. When we have done something bad, we are afraid that others may find out, and so we try our best to hide it. If we have managed to hide it, we feel we have gained something.

However, it is quite easy to deceive people. And their opinions are often quite baseless. As long as we let the viewpoint of others serve as the measure of our acts, our lives will be wasted. Moreover, though we may do something only in accordance with other people’s opinions, the fact of our action remains a fact, which will eternally make up one page in our life, serving as either a positive or negative factor in the formation of our character.

Whether good or bad, whatever we do remains a fact, which does not increase or diminish in value according to the praise or blame of others; it becomes a karmic force that accompanies us. In this way, our personality is unfailingly shaped by all our acts.

Undisturbed by praise or censure and taking that universal truth deeply to heart, we fervently wish to act always with prudence. This ardent desire is accomplished through self-restraint.

Because I know that this is extremely difficult to do, I will keep these words firmly in mind and try to be very careful with each day (Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

How do we practice when we are alone? What needs more effort? What needs more nourishment? [Self-evaluation and integrity is a place of practice.]

27. Know How to Seek Permanent Happiness

Money, fame, a husband or wife, children, all these are considered sources of happiness. Those are all one’s possessions. In a lifetime, they are the possessions that may change with age and the different costumes we wear as we get older. Then we notice that we have forgotten the all-important owner, the possessor of those possessions.

Possessions being impermanent, it is a matter of course that they change or disappear. Life changes to death; love may turn to hatred; youth turns to old age; an obedient child may turn on his parents; a mountain of savings may turn to a heap of loans. That is the natural state of the world of impermanence. Seeking true happiness in such bubble-like, impermanent possessions is mistaken from the very beginning. The philosopher and political theorist Jean-Jacques Rousseau wrote in Emile, or On Education: “One is not born a king, a noble, a courtier, or a man of possession. Everyone is born naked and poor. . . . He is destined to die.” …

The all-important factor is the attitude toward life of those who possess things. All that we need to do is to change our attitude toward life. How should we change? To put it simply, do not look beyond yourself. Do not seek happiness somewhere else or at any other time—tomorrow, next year, or in the next life. It is at all times “here and now” that we must straighten our posture and sit upright. …

As long as we look beyond ourselves, we will never find permanent happiness. (Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

Notice how we look outside ourselves and our conditions for contentment? [Not turning away is a place of practice.]

28. Find True Happiness Within

As long as one looks beyond oneself for happiness, it cannot be found. Whatever our situation—poverty, illness, or other kinds of hardship—we must accept it as a blessing, just as it is. …

As long as we look beyond ourselves for the Other Shore, paradise, happiness, the Buddha, or enlightenment, we will never find it. Only by looking within the self can we become aware of the blessings we are endowed with.

Rebirth in the Pure Land does not happen in time or space; heaven or hell depends on one’s state of mind. …

In a hamlet or in a forest,

In deep water or on dry land,

Wherever the enlightened dwell,

That place is a peaceful realm.

(Dhammapada, verse 98)

Discarding selfish thoughts, such as acceptance or rejection, hatred or love, I would like to face whatever happens at any time in the place I have been granted, positively accepting the here and now as my training ground and my final haven of serenity. (Excerpt from Shundo Aoyama Rōshi’s Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest)

How can we welcome hell and heaven as equal places of practice? [Appreciating blessings is a place of practice.]

---

Source: Based on selected texts from a 90-day online Commit To Sit program period entitled “Cultivating the Seeds of Zen” presented by the New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care. (https://zencare.org/) (https://zencare.org/commit-to-sit-90-day-practice-periods/)

The text used for this program was Aoyama, Shundo. Zen Seeds: Reflections of a Female Priest (1991). Translated by Patricia Daien Bennage.

---

---