Letting Go

Dying is hard work. If there was a house fire and everything that you owned was lost, how would you deal with that loss? People in that situation often say that it is the small things which they miss the most; the family photographs, gifts made by children, small mementos of happy times. To lose all your possessions and the memories they hold is a lot to give up, a lot to grieve for.

If in that house fire all your friends and relatives were killed, what then? To lose all the people who mean so much to you all at once, how would that feel for you? Would you be angry? You would have lost the familiarity of faces, of touch, of those small things we say and do to and for our loved ones (often without really noticing until they are no longer there).

If at this point you were asked to give up your ambitions, all your hopes and dreams, all your plans for the future, all those things still left undone and unsaid; what would you be left with? What hope would you have?

There is a beautiful and natural process to dying. It involves letting go. Coming to terms with dying is an act of relinquishment, of giving up everything we hold dear: loved ones, possessions, hopes for the future, mobility, independence, the ability to do things for ourselves, self-determination, bodily functions, dignity, power, life itself. Letting go is hard work. Dealing with pain and a failing body is hard work. Facing the uncertainty of “what next?”, or the regret of “what was”, or the fear of “what if?” is hard work.

Buddhists say that the most important thing at the point of death is a positive state of mind. The best way we can give support is to help them to reach a positive acceptance. To keep for them those things that mean so much for as long as they need them; and to help them to let go of them when the time comes. To be a mentor for them, to help maintain their dignity and their individuality when they are no longer able to speak for themselves. To remind them of whatever they have found inspiring in a spiritual or emotionally uplifting way; whether it is a spiritual practice, pop song, fragrance or sound of nature, or the feel of sunshine on their cheeks. Whatever it is that will give them beauty and peace. Whatever will help them to cross the threshold of this life into the next with acceptance and hope. Then dying becomes easy, and beautiful, and the most natural thing in the world to do.

Finally, we need to reach our own point of acceptance. Sometimes that last connecting chord keeping them here is our own reluctance to relinquish them. We also have to be willing to let go.

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Source: Based on an article entitled “Letting Go” by Eryu, taken from Buddhist Reflections on Death, Dying and Bereavement, compiled and edited by Michael Lewin,published by The Buddhist Hospice Trust.

https://buddhisthospice.org.uk/books/

This is a collection, in book form, of short articles from a range of dharma-practitioners, 21 in all, who “share their thoughts and feelings with us on the issues of death and dying”. It is aimed at anyone who is touched by these issues.

This is not an academic or dogmatic text written only for Buddhists. The universal themes and varied perspectives make this accessible to anyone.

It is inspirational, meditative, practical, personal, and even humorous.

Written from each contributor’s own perspective and personal experience, it is a source of strength and comfort which should reach right to the heart of anyone reading it and be a source of inspiration to anyone touched by death, regardless of their spiritual beliefs.

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